What is a Non-directed Support
Organization?
This essay was originally published in the
Talk
About Learning column in the May-June 1995 issue of Home Education
Magazine.
Our Non-directed Support Organization
By Earl Gary Stevens
Over the years I have
spoken many times in these pages about our large, diverse support
organization, the Southern Maine Home Education Support Network.
Individuals and families within the network have worked and played
together for a long time, and this has led to the flowering of both
friendships and community. Almost 10 years have gone by since we began
with only a handful of families, and we have learned much along the way.
In recent months parents
from many different places have told me stories about disagreements and
confusion and hurt feelings within their own support organizations.
While groups begin with families joining together in a sincere desire to
cooperate in sharing support and resources, all too often they find
themselves sinking into seemingly unresolvable differences of opinion
over the details of group activities and events.
Disagreements among members
can begin with attempts to define what it is that "the group"
should do. For example, what kind of support meetings should be offered?
Who will lead them? What philosophy of home-based education should be
emphasized? Should kids be welcome at all support meetings, or should
there be some gatherings for parents only? Should discussions be
moderated, or should they be entirely informal? In addition to support
meetings there are sports activities, social events, field trips and a
host of other possibilities to consider. All can provide ground for
conflicts.
We are often asked how we
can manage to advertise a variety of support group meetings and a long
list of activities and events in this part of the state with very little
debate or disagreement over how they are conducted. The answer is that
the sponsoring individuals make all the decisions, and the network
itself never offers anything.
Every member is free to
make his or her own decisions about what to offer, either as an
individual or in cooperation with others. While some of our more active
members may be perceived as leaders, especially by newcomers, the truth
is that no leader or group of leaders decides what is to be on the
calendar.
This is not to say that
everyone agrees about everything. No matter what the activity or event,
there will always be somebody who feels that it should be done
differently. Sometimes even longtime members get confused about the
process and protest that some aspect of a given activity is not
sensitive to the needs of this kind of family or that kind of
philosophy; when this happens they must remember that they are free to
offer an alternative. Seven years ago I decided to offer an activity
which I called Family Baseball. I wanted to create an environment where
parents and boys and girls of all ages and skill levels could have fun
playing together with a non-lethal ball, relaxed rules, and a spirit of
helping each other learn the game. I placed an ad in our newsletter
giving the time and place and a description of the game. (See HEM,
July/August 1989.)
At the beginning I was
feeling my way along and having to make many decisions. One parent
thought that the game should be more challenging for bigger kids.
Another parent wanted it to be less challenging for little kids. Another
felt it was too disorganized, while still another believed that any
adult direction at all was too coercive. Can you imagine trying to
figure all this out at a support group meeting? I listened to everybody
and kept to my vision. Some people drifted away because it wasn't their
cup of tea, while others became regulars in our weekly games, but these
differences never became a source of group conflict as they might have
if the game were sponsored collectively.
For those who wish to try
our approach the key is to create a point of contact for families in
which individuals and groups of individuals are free to figure out ways
to meet their own needs. This may be a simple transition for some
organizations, but in other cases it might be easier to start a separate
mailing list with its own calendar. Just focus on making it possible for
families to explore their own ways of working and playing together.
While it is true that a
network is not a community, Eileen Yoder, who co-founded SMHESN with me,
points out that within our network we are a community of people at
various levels of commitment and caring and willingness to give. Some
people give a great deal, and, as time passes, they tend to be seen as
leaders. But as long as we claim ownership and responsibility only for
what we as individuals offer to others and not for any kind of group
authority, then we avoid misunderstandings and debilitating conflicts.
It is surprisingly easy to
forget this principle. I've done that occasionally when I have neglected
to leave my name attached to an activity so that in the newsletter it
appears to be a group offering rather than an offering by Earl Gary
Stevens. I realize this has happened when I find myself feeling
responsible for pleasing everybody instead of allowing myself to be
guided by what I feel that I can give.
These are some of the
practices and concepts that make SMHESN work for us. This approach
requires a lot of respect for the authority of individuals to make their
own decisions. Most of us have been well-schooled to look for authority
from above and it can be hard work to begin looking within. It is fun to
see the enthusiasm when newcomers first realize that they have the
freedom and the means to create opportunities for themselves and for
others anytime they like. With each passing month we learn more from
each other.
